Have you ever told yourself any of these statements? Have you ever thought of yourself as not worthy of any praise? Have you ever listened to the way you talk to yourself?
Such kinds of thought are the hallmark of a negative kind of attitude. It is self-defeating, it hurts --- emotionally, and in the practical sense, engaging in some form of it, no matter how little, does not help at all.
Have you ever tried doing this? Instead of a negative attitude, pepper the talks you have with yourself with positive yet realistic qualities. They could take the form of such statements like: I may be a size twelve now, but with a little effort day by day, maybe I could crunch my size down to eleven or ten? Or eight? I may have made mistakes then, but the present is more important than the past. It is never too late.
Did it not feel better having to hear such positive remarks? It pays to hear positive statements about yourself from yourself. According to some psychologists, the kind of self talk that people subject themselves to usually project and create their own emotional conditions.
Being able to feel calmer and a little less worried could depend on whatever it is you want to hear yourself say. Self talk also has the power to affect one's health and well-being. Stressful events, for example, are best handled calmly and with a little less drama. With a little self-awareness and a lot of practice in focusing on how to best utilize the best out of a seemingly not good situation, developing the habit of positive self talk is easy as one two three.
The following are possible solutions and actions to make that constructive change from feeling and talking bad to feeling and talking good.
- Focus on the problem
Yes, there are problems. Yes, it helps to talk about them. But basically, problems are not the dominant reality. It would help so much for that problem to go away if the focus is on solving them and not griping or complaining about them. It is best that one should focus on how they want to make the situation a lot better.
- The worst is yet to come
Something that is clearly not happening yet but, for a lack of better thing to do or think about, negative self talk automatically transform these non-events to already bad situations. While preparing for an exam, negative self talk might just say, "I'll fail, definitely, I'll fail." Or while getting ready for a meeting, "I'll be a disaster, I'll make a fool out of myself and I'll be a disaster."
It helps to not focus on how you will appear, or how people will see you. Turn your attention beyond yourself, beyond your selfish and ego needs and towards the task at hand that is a lot bigger than you. Focusing on your self alone is one sure fire way to disaster.
Remember, not everything is all about you.
- Pigeon-holing people is not good
People are unique. Just like fingerprints, no one is exactly alike. This is what makes them great, good, better, best. Variety is the root of all individuality. But, by putting people, and yourself, in boxes and pre-conceived notions and not thinking of them as distinct and original, enables one to think of others as less while putting yourself as someone who is more.
This denies everyone including yourself the appreciation and openness to various opportunities.
Could-a, would-a, should-a
Sentences that start with any of these words automatically set one up for un-called for and totally unnecessary regrets. There is no clear quantifiable proof that such kinds of self talk will help generate what one wants in life. What it does ensure are feelings of guilt, bitterness and even anger of not having done that, made this, said that, etc.
Appreciate the value of choices. There is power in not being able to know the outcome. It frees one from attachments and helps in letting go of expectations, be it good or bad.
All in all, consider self-talk as your soul, body and mind talking to you. Listen from within, your real voice is kind, compassionate and knows what is best for you. All you have to do is shut up bad-mouthing yourself and listen to the real silent witness within